A Breakdown On a Lover's Gifts
by Ink-Dub
Summary: Lori tasks Lincoln to guard her pre-Valentine's gifts to give to Bobby while she's away. But boredom sets in during guard duty, and this causes him to leave the gifts unattended. You shouldn't have done that, Lincoln...


Lori dances about in the Loud house entrance with upmost glee. "Today will go down in history!" She sang as she continues this joyful prance towards the kitchen table upon carrying a bag with a heart imprint. "As today will be spent with Bobby and me. Literally!" She then puts the bag down at the table after picking the items in the bag and puts them in the kitchen counter. The items are revealed to be a rose bouquet, a box of chocolates, a stuffed teddy bear and a greeting card. Perfect to give to that special someone.

"Hi Lori." Lincoln says walking in the kitchen. "What's going on?"

"As you must know, tomorrow is Valentine's day and I got the perfect gifts to share." Lori said pointing out said items. "Because Bobby is busy with something tomorrow, I just want to give these away a day early so I can spend the rest of the day with my... **Sigh!**...my oh-so-fantab-bulous Boo-boo bear."

"Ugh." Lincoln quietly groaned seeing her eldest sister being so goo-goo about her love interests. Despite living in a home of 11 ladies, he just can't figure out why girls act like that. But whatever, it's okay as long as Lori gets to be with Bobby. "Oh, and just so you know, I won't be caught dead acting like that." Right, whatever you say, Lincoln.

"Now, I'm going to Burping Burger for a quick bite to eat before Bobby gets here, so I need you to make sure these gifts are safe. Ok?"

"Yes, mam." Lincoln says saluting.

"Good." Lori then grabs her keys and begins to walk out, but not before she looks back at Lincoln in a glare. "Because if you don't, I will literally turn you into a human pretzel."

**Gulp!** "Yes, mam." Lincoln said a bit shaken but still salutes.

"Good. Now I won't be long. Ta-Ta!" Lori says as she leaves.

"Bye Lori!" Lincoln says as the eldest sister goes out the door and drives off in the family van leaving Lincoln in charge of the gifts.

"Okay Lincoln. I just need to keep these present's safe. Shouldn't be too hard." Lincoln says standing guard. Vigilant. Firm. Determined.

.. At least for a few minutes.

Lincoln's boredom sets in as he has nothing to do, quickly coming to the realization that guard duty is boring!

Suddenly, his walkie talkie rings out from his pocket. "Gelato to Shaved Ice. Gelato to Shaved Ice. Come in!" Clyde calls out. Lincoln pulls out the 2-way and responds. "Shaved Ice to Gelato. What's up?"

"Did you see A.R.R.G.H! last night?"

"No, why?"

"Well, last night's episode is about an abandoned hotel in some island due to a bunch of ghosts dripping drool everywhere!"

"No way!"

"And the strange thing is at some person long ago tried to investigate the disturbances, but was never seen again due to lack of pineapples served in the hotel."

Okay, he_ has_ to learn more about this. "Got it recorded on DVR?"

"Affirmative!"

"I'm seeing it right now!" Lincoln said beginning to leave but then sighed as he suddenly remembered the mission. "Um... It may have to be another time buddy. I'm busy with something."

"Okay, I guess we can do it another time. Clyde out. **Beep!**" As Clyde cuts off, Lincoln puts up continuing guard duty..although he has been keeping guard for long enough...

"It shouldn't take more than five minutes." Lincoln says before leaving the house and biking towards Clyde's house leaving the four gifts by it's lonesome.

Some time passes as the gifts lay by it's itself, but eventually the items will get company soon.

Suddenly, a baby in the form of Lily crawls on the kitchen, without a care in the world. As she crawls towards the table, she can't help but take a sigh after a concentrated grunt as she appreciates this nice day. The sun is shining and the birds are singing. There is a good feeling of love in the air. Suddenly, upon Lily's vision, a red paper-like object falls towards her feet. Curious, Lily picks it up and wonders what it is. A leaf? Fall can't happen inside the house, can it? Suddenly, another leaf starts falls out. Then another. Then before she knows it, the leaves increase in it's fall count making it nearly look like snow. Deciding not to question the weird event, the baby decides to play and dance at the area of the descending leaves, overjoyed. But unaware to Lily, she doesn't know where the "leaves" are coming from. At the top of the table, the rose bouquet is quickly losing it's petals due to a strange aroma. The aroma? Lily's diaper.

Lily has built up a reputation in this house for her dirty diapers, that it nearly becomes a hazard for the family just to get near her. And due to it having it being recently soiled, the diaper miasma is now robbing the flower's primary needs of photosynthesis. The rose bouquet petals falls one by one and it's stems that stands tall loosens out and droops as a stinky Lily dances about, unaware of it's plight. The rose garden looms at death door, threatening to wilt completely, until the toxic monster finally leaves to her own devices. The bouquet can finally breathe pure oxygen again, but with only a few hanging rose petals and it's luster nearly faded, it's a formal shell of what it once was.

...

Lisa walks by the living room as she plans to head outside to check on an anthill. Before she heads out however, she freezes and starts sniffing something. " **Sniff! Sniff!** An enticing aroma reaches my senses. I have to pinpoint it's origin." Lisa then walk towards the kitchen, as the smell leads her direction. She then hops towards a table, her gaze lazer focused towards a heart shaped box. **Sniff! Sniff! Snifffff!** "The scent leads me to..." She opens the box to see that it's- "Chocolates!" She looks on, marveling upon the variety of goods on offer. "Milk, Dark, Caramel, Peanut, Pretzel. All alternative manner of cocoa are placed in it's box in a decorative fashion." Lisa says as she looms towards the chocolate. "And they're all for the taking." Her mouth waters and her fingers creepily close in the chocolates.

But before she gets any thoughts, she shakes her head snapping out of the trance. "No, do it Lisa. They may look sweet, but that is the one of the many dangers of confectioneries. Get into it's addictive nature and you'll find yourself spiraling into a situation that you won't get out of." Lisa said as she closes the box. "With that, I shall do the logical thing and walk away." And with that she exits the kitchen leaving and thought of consuming the chocolate behind her.

Until she walks back to the box opening it back up. "Well, not without taking one piece first." Lisa says upon picking the chocolate piece from the box. She promptly puts it in her mouth and eats it. "Mmm!" Lisa says as she munches on the piece in content. It was scrumptious! "Okay, now satisfied, I shall take my leave." With that, Lisa walks away again...a couple of steps before going back. "Maybe, just one more piece." She then picks another piece and puts it in her mouth. Lisa relishes it upon eating it and then... "Okay, two more pieces." Then picks two more and eats it. "Three more pieces." Then three more... "Maybe...just.." Then finally, Lisa takes the entire box out of the table, before finally walking out of the kitchen.

...

Lola walks in as she goes for the fridge and grabbing a pudding. As she finishes checking the fridge and takes a few steps, she spots something and goes wide eyed. "**GASP!** And what do we have here?" Lola says upon walking towards the teddy bear and picking it up. "Probably the cutest thing you ever seen! I'm going to call you, Cherry."

As she gets accustomed to the teddy bear. Lana walk in and notices. "Hey Lola, where you get that teddy bear?"

"I found it." Lola replied.

"Do you mind if you give it to me for a bit?" Lana says walks close towards Lola.

"And why should I?" Lola countered holding the teddy back.

"You have enough toys already, so I'm sure you can give off one." Lana says as she then grabs the toy's paw and attempts to pulls the bear away.

"Yeah, but not to you." Lola then pulls the bear back.

"And why not?" Lana pulls.

"Because you always get things dirty considering that you're being well, uh...you, so I won't take my chances." Lola pulls back.

"I sure you won't worry about that if you just give the bear away to me." Lana pulls.

"Uh-uh." Lola pulls back.

"Yes-uh." Lana pulls.

"Noo!" Lola pulls back.

"Yessss!" Lana pulls.

"Nooooooo!" Lola pulls back.

"Yesssssssssss!" Lana pulls. **RIPPPP!** The twins both fall on their heiney upon that sound effect. As they recover they look to see the teddy has been split in two.

"Now look what you did! You tore the bear in two!" Lola yelled.

"Well, look on the bright side. At least we don't have to worry about sharing it."

Upon Lana's remark, Lola goes berserk and tackles Lana forming into a violent fight cloud.

...

As they take their bout outside the kitchen, the wind of their fight cloud causes the card to blow about leading away from kitchen and then lands on a living room ground towards the black shoes and striped socks of a certain 8 year old goth**.** The goth picks it up and opens the flap, noticing the contents. "Huh, this could be helpful with my poems." Lucy says as she puts the card in her pocket and goes off, but not before the card blows away due to the card not properly placed in her pocket.

The greeting card blows away before returning to the kitchen, but not to the table. It's lands towards a face of a sleeping cat named Cliff forcefully waking him from his nap. Interrupted, Cliff picks it up and tries to recognize what it is. Is it paper? Money? Whatever it is, is his now. With that, he puts the object under his paws, guarding it before he closes his eyes, going back to sleep.

"I was using that."

The voice causes the cat to make a mini cloud of panic before he jumps to the ceiling. His claws stick to the ceiling, freaked out from the voice scaring him..which actually belongs to Lucy. Nevertheless, Lucy picks it up to use the card again. Then the card splits apart, now realizing that Cliff torn it to shreds. "Dang it."

...

"Someone isn't going to be happy the card's been torn." Lucy says as she searches the kitchen drawer's in search of glue or tape. If only she knows which one's..

Suddenly, Lucy catches a whiff of something disgusting. "Ugh. That smell." Lucy says upon immediately plugging her nose...and it's familiar. Sure enough, She turns around to see Lily walking in with her dirty diaper wanting to get changed.

Lily babbles Lucy about something.

"No, I don't know where Lincoln is." Lucy then notices red petals on the baby's hands.

Upon receiving this new information, Lily notices something on Lucy's hand. Lily then babbles about pointing to a torn piece of paper that Lucy is holding.

"That used to be a greeting card. No thanks to Cliff, it's torn off." Lucy said as Cliff falls from the ceiling toward her hands, smiling awkwardly.

Lola and Lana walks in the kitchen, a bit beat up from the fight and each hold the half of the torn apart teddy bear.

"What are you two holding?" Lucy says to the twins.

"Oh that? It used to be a teddy bear, but now it's torn because _somebody_ didn't want to share." Lana said.

"Hey, it's not my fault you keep getting yourself dirty." Lola replied.

"And whats your excuse to keep getting yourself glossy, little missy?"

As the twins bicker back and forth, Lisa walks in with an empty chocolate box and a mouth filled with chocolate along with a slightly bloated belly.. "**Burp! **Ugh..." Lisa groaned as she walks forward. "I'm sure that no-one will notice... the empty..box." As Lisa gets herself together, the twins stop their bickering and notice Lisa. "Lisa, what is that?" Lola says.

"It's a box, that holds chocolates ...well it used to.." Lisa stated.

"Wow Lisa. Holding out on us?" Lana noticed connecting the dots.

"The least you could do is share!" Lola says.

"Poo-Poo!" Lily agreed.

"I confess, I have consumed the chocolates, **urp! **Ohh..but... but..the whole box in which the chocolates used to be, doesn't belong to me."

Then all the kids get a realization moment. They all look at the things on the their hand and realized something.

"These chocolates don't belong to you?" Lucy said.

"They don't." Lisa responded. "Lily, the rose pedals, they belong to you?"

"Poo-Poo!" Lily shakes her head back and forth.

"The teddy bear isn't mine." Lana said.

"Or mine." Lola said.

"And what's left of this greeting card isn't mine either." Lucy stated.

"All of these items that we all have on our hand isn't ours." Lana said.

"And someone isn't going to be happy about what we did to the presents." Lola said.

"For our sake, siblings, lets hope the items in question doesn't belong to-"

Before Lisa finishes, the door opens and it reveals Lori entering the kitchen. She then freezes, upon seeing the status of the gifts.

Her flowers has wilted, the chocolate box is emptied, the teddy bear is torn in two, and the greeting card is ripped to shreds. And then the people in the middle.

"Uhh." Lisa says at a loss for words.

"Meow?" Was all Cliff says before he and the culprits make the decision of showing off their smiles.

Their very wide smiles...

"Ahhhhhhhh!" Lori screamed in horror.

"Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!" The kids also screamed in horror as they scramble about while Cliff bolts out from the confusion. The culprits frenzy in panic before they bump into each other and then decide to coordinate their efforts to exit towards the other door. Unfortunately, Lori runs towards said door beating them to the punch and corners them to the wall.

"What did you do?!" Lori seethed as she glared making the younglings cower upon the eldest's gaze. After some odd seconds, they give up since they're caught red handed. They all take a breath and decide to get this over with.

Lily goes first. Lily babbles a bit before ending with "poo-poo" pointing to her dirty diaper saying that her dirty diaper caused the flowers to wilt before making an awkward grin.

"The chocolate that was on the box was too enticing for me. I tried to resist the temptation and I umm.. failed. **urp!**" Lisa said making a burp a bit woozy.

"We tore the bear in half." Lola and Lana both said.

"And I had my hand slip causing Cliff to tear up the card." Lucy said. "I guess we didn't know they all belonged to you."

"Oops." They all say with their faces down.

Lori tries her best to hold her rage in. It's just unbelievable, they all had to come in and destroy the presents. All of this could've been prevented.. none of this wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for-

"Hey guys! What's...up." Lincoln says as he walks in seeing the kids and seeing..Lori...mad. REAL MAD! Upon noticing, Lincoln proceeds to walk stage right before going to a run but Lori grabs him and corners him into the wall. "Umm. Hi Lori.. heh." Lincoln said showing off his way too wide smile.

"One job, Lincoln! You literally had ONE JOB!" Lori roared. "Keep my presents safe!"

"I was-I was only out for twenty minutes." Lincoln stammered. "The presents are safe right?" She pointed out to see the aforementioned presents destroyed and pointing out the culprits that followed answering his question. "I'm sure there a good explanation for this." Lincoln says as Lori drops him the floor.

"Then explain." Lori then crosses her arms and taps her foot expecting a response from her absent brother.

"I got bored keeping watch of the gifts, so I went to Clyde's house due to him recording an A.R.R.G.H! episode on his DVR. It was supposed to be five minutes but it took longer than that." Lincoln said putting his head down. "And..I shouldn't have left guard at the first place...and waited for DVR later..." Lincoln stammered. He then closes his eyes shut, expecting the worst. After some time, Lori speaks.

"You know, I brought all of these presents a day early because Bobby was busy at Valentine's day tomorrow. So I figured, why not give him the gifts today so we can spend time together after some busy work at the Bodega. I was going to be away for a couple of minutes, so I figured why not entrust my little brother to do a simple task of watching my presents during that time?" Lori's than seethes. "But I guess he couldn't even do that, because he had to go watch some stupid ghost episode at Clyde's house. And because of that, his absence invited some nitwits to waltz on in here and destroyed my presents which I had to literally spend my _hard earned money on!" _Lori yelled at the last part causing the kids to cower. Suddenly Lori turns back, her hand leaning by the wall with her head down.. "Now I have to spend another 366 days to give another shot at a Valentine's day gift. But by that point Bobby would've moved on by then!" Then eerie silence. Lori is still from this position as she says nothing else. As Lincoln begins to open his mouth, Lori 180's towards the kids and walks towards them, her each step, stomping closer in complete rage.

"And now.. because of this...I...I'll-"

**Knock! Knock!** "Lori. I'm home!" Bobby says from behind the door. "Your little bunny is waiting." He says before knocking again.

"**Sigh...** You know what, just do yourselves a favor and stay out of my sight for the rest the day." Lori laments as she turns around, deflated. "Just don't bother showing up."

As Lori exits the door, the kids become forlorn upon the events. Lincoln looks on as Lori leaves with Bobby in the family van.

* * *

And so, Lori and Bobby go out to Great Lakes City to help out with moving Bodega supplies along with catching up. But no thanks to recent events, it isn't the best day Lori had envisioned, and it's not because of tedium of moving supplies. A few hours pass until Lori and Bobby return to the Loud house with Lori down and Bobby concerned.

* * *

"Are you okay, babe? You've been down all afternoon." Bobby said as the two exit Vanzilla.

"Yeah," Lori said depressed. "It just that...It's just that.."

"Was it the supplies? I know that we can get weird items now and then but-"

"No. It's..." Lori hesitates.

Bobby then hold her shoulders. "Babe, You can tell me anything."

Her eyes start to water. Still, she looked forward to his eyes.

"I.. had a surprise planned after we finished the work today." Lori spoke out.

"Since tomorrow is Valentine's day, I thought I could give you something today since you were busy tomorrow...But something happened."

"What happened?"

"Well." Lori takes a breath and takes an angry pout. "Well, the truth is that the surprise that I was gonna give you-"

"Are right here!" Lincoln says as he comes outside prompting the two lovers to look at her brother.

"Lincoln, what are you doing!" Lori whispered to her brother upon casting a glare.

"I know what happened, but just give us a chance, please." Lincoln whispered back.

Lori contemplates about tossing her brother to the front door considering his recent irresponsibility, but he wouldn't be going out like this without a good reason. She then surrenders as she takes a breath. "Go ahead." She crosses her arms hoping for something good.

"Come on in, guys!" Lincoln calls out by the front door. Suddenly, Lily, Lola, Lana, Lucy, and Lisa walks outside in a single file before going behind Lincoln. It looks like they have their hands on their backs. What the heck are they literally planning?

"Lily." Lincoln suddenly calls out.

Lily first walks in with something. Upon close inspection, the surprise is poorly hidden in her back due to her being small, but despite this, she pulls it out. "A baba yaba!" Lily says revealing the gifts to be dandelions.

"Lola and Lana." Lincoln calls next.

Lola and Lana shows up with them both beside each other with also something behind their backs. "For us we give you..." Lana says.

Lola finishes though with slight hesitation before they all put it out. "A teddy bear." Lola's own stuffed toy.

"Lisa."

Lisa shows up and pulls out a box of chocolates. And although slightly lumpy, miraculously, they're just like when it was store brought! "Chocolate confectioneries. Fresh from where they were came from."

"And Lucy."

Lucy walks forward. "I'm in the middle of writing a poem for you, I'll show it off when it's finished."

As all of the sisters show off their gifts, Lincoln speaks out. "Hope your Valentine's is just as lovely."

"From Us, To Lori and Bobby!" Says the kids.

Lori looks on at the gifts and then gets close to Lincoln.

"We pitched in and helped with our own gifts." Lincoln whispered to Lori. "Hopefully... making up for.. what happened earlier."

"So um, what do you think?" Lola spoke out a bit loudly.

"What do I think?!" Lori says flabbergasted.

"Whoa, I find it pretty cool!" Bobby says surprising Lori.

"You like it?"

"Of course I do, seeing your family pitch in like this shows how much they care for us." Bobby says smiling. "It also shows how much were meant for each other."

"Oh Bobby." Lori swooned making the kids go "Aww!" at the sight of the two being lovestruck.

"Bleh." Except for Lincoln, as good for him trying to make things up. He still finds these two relationship rather overly mushy.

"Thanks guys, but you didn't have to do this." Lori says.

"But we had to. Your day was ruined because of us and I caused it so I felt like we all had to do something." Lincoln said.

"We're sorry for messing up your gifts." Lana says.

"And I'm sorry about leaving the gifts unprotected." Lincoln said.

"So shall we let bygones be bygones, elder sister?" Lisa says.

Upon no time at all, Lori says. "Yes, you're forgiven."

The kids cheer as the gift givers all jump for joy before going in to hug Lori.

...

Sometime later the kids go off in their own devices as Lori and Bobby enjoy their gifts.

"Yep, this is literally a good day after all!" Lori says blowing on the dandelions.

"Sure is, babe." Bobby says putting the teddy bear in his bag. "Hmm...Don't you think that we're forgetting something?"

"Like a poem?" The two scream before turning to see Lucy and her paper in hand. "I have the poem finished. Do you want it to be read now?"

"Of course! Do the honors, Spooky." Bobby said.

"It's Lucy." Finally Lucy pulls out her poem and reads it out. "Ahem!"

_Our eldest sister, picks out the gifts from interest._

_For her lover, wanting their day to be earnest._

_But the gifts are ruined, making our big sister's rage._

_We had to do something, because we ruined her day._

_We all pitched in and made our own gifts._

_As an apology, hopefully the relationship won't drift._

_May whatever happens next, don't let turmoil cloud your way._

_Especially on this date, we all say.._

**_Happy Valentines Day! _**

* * *

**Bleargh! Sorry these types of Romance stories can be a bit mushy for me in the end.**

**Anyway, hope you enjoyed that little Valentine's day oneshot. Comments and Criticisms are welcome, and I wish for you all to have a happy Valentines Day. Hopefully yours will go off as well as Lori did...without the loud kids messing up part, I mean.**

* * *

"Hey, I don't remember us buying chocolate. Where did you get the extra chocolates?" Lincoln asked Lisa upon watching the two eating their chocolate.

"Don't ask."


End file.
